


For You, Doll? Always.

by bxckyboi



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Charming Bucky Barnes, Crushes, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Mutual Pining, Pining, Self-Hatred, Y/N is an Avenger too, at the beginning, battles, blame, bucky is an avenger, intense angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-07 06:38:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18615169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxckyboi/pseuds/bxckyboi
Summary: The Avengers are out on a stream-line mission, but things don't go as planned and Bucky gets shot.Will the evac come in time to save Bucky's life?Or will Y/N lose the love of her life, without telling him how she feels?SUPER ANGSTY, read at your own risk!-This will have multiple chapters-Proper grammar-Spaced out paragraphs





	1. In a Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.

 

This was just another normal day for Y/N and the team. Fighting in another routine battle, the group was divided into groups of two. Y/N and Bucky were paired together. Given that they were both ex-assassins, Fury saw fit that they should. 

 

‘So, Y/N, how’s it feel to walk alongside the best super soldier to grace the earth?’ Bucky chuckled.

‘What do you mean? I’m not paired with Stevie,’ Y/N chided.

Bucky’s once-smug smile faltered a bit before he scoffed and walked away.

 

Y/N knew it wasn’t out of hate; she knew him too well. The both of them had been in similar circumstances: being brainwashed, on the run, etc. So they could relate. They helped each other recover and because of this, their relapses receded. 

 

The only inconvenience- well, let’s not say  _ inconvenience, _ \- the hitch in the plan was that Bucky started to develop a sort of crush on Y/N. Small at first, but it grew and grew. Trained assassin, Bucky knew how to hide his feelings well. But so did Y/N. It was kind of a mutual pining. But did they know this? No. Being an ex-assassin didn’t mean that they knew everything. If anything, they were extremely thick-skulled and oblivious to their feelings toward each other.

 

\-----------------------------------------

Bullets were raining everywhere, so Y/N decided it would be best to retreat. ‘Y/N here. There are too many to count. We have to retreat!’ she continued to contact the base, trying desperately to get someone to answer her.

 

While ordering for more help, Bucky was right behind her, shooting at the other enemies and taking some down with the help of his metal arm. He didn’t see any more threats, but he knew deep down that they missed something. Y/N turned to him, shook her head and chuckled before talking into the walkie-talkie again. ‘Actually, no need. Buck’s got it all covered.’

 

Bucky was about to make another snarky remark, but that’s when he saw it. He saw the last enemy in all black aim at Y/N. ‘Y/N! Watch out!’

 

But she didn’t hear him. The only option left was to take the bullet for her. He would do it in a heartbeat, even if it meant that he might not survive.

 

All of a sudden, Y/N was tackled down to the ground by Bucky. Just in time to swear her head around to see Bucky get shot. Scrambling to get up and finally seeing the shooter, she put a bullet between his eyes.

 

‘Buck!’ Y/N cried. ‘What happened?’ 

 

‘There was a shooter. I covered for you.’ He tried to get up with a feeble attempt but  before he could get on his knees, he felt a white-hot pain in his abdomen. His face paled. He toppled over.

 

‘Buck. You shouldn’t have done that.’ Y/N rasped as she took in the scene.

 

‘I’d always take a bullet for you, doll. Always.’ He managed to respond before he passed out from all of the blood loss.

 

In a matter of seconds, what had just happened registered into Y/N's brain and hit her like a ton of bricks.  Jumping into action, Y/N frantically applied pressure to the wound and called for an evac. ‘Bucky. James! Stay with me here.’ Y/N croaked as tears spilled from her eyes. The only thing that left his lips was a pained groan. He looked close to dead; face flushed and deep rings around his once full-of-life eyes.

 

And Y/N could only blame one person: Herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! ♡


	2. 'It Wasn't You'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky finally gets transported to the hospital, where the team is waiting. He undergoes surgery, but is still in critical condition. Y/N finally gets the courage to tell him how she feels.
> 
> Still really full of angst.

In the Quinjet, Y/N paced back and forth as she saw Bucky’s almost lifeless body laying on the stretcher. If he didn’t survive this, Y/N would never forgive herself. 

 

She walked over to him and stroked his hair. Y/N also wiped off most of the blood and grime off his face too. That made her feel a little better.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

An hour later, they arrived at the hospital, where Steve and the rest of the team waited for them. ‘Y/N. What happened?’ Steve whispered.

 

‘I- I don’t know. We thought we got everyone bu- but we didn’t.’ Y/N hiccuped. ‘There was one more and Buck took the bullet for me. I’m sorry.’ she said as she sat down and buried her head in her hands.

 

‘It should’ve been me. I deserved to di-’

 

‘Y/N.’ cooed Steve as he wrapped her in a hug. ‘Don’t say that. It wasn’t you. It was never your fault. You couldn’t have seen it coming, okay?’

 

And that was it. That was the phrase that sent Y/N into hysterics: ‘It wasn’t you.’ The only thing she could do now was hold Steve closer and cry into his chest.

________________________________________________________________

After the sobs that wracked her body subdued, she fell asleep on his shoulder. Y/N was awakened by Steve trying to softly set her down on the couch so he could talk to the doctor. Immediately aware of her surroundings, she realized what had happened. She sprinted to the doctor who was talking to Steve and asked how Bucky was.

 

‘Stable, but still in critical condition. The bullet hit his pancreas, but thankfully it went through and through. No residue.’ 

 

Y/N inhaled a shaky breath and started to have an attack. It felt like she couldn’t breathe.  _ Bucky is alive. He is stable. He is fine. You are fine. You are fine. You are fine. _ That seemed to calm her down a bit, but something in the back of her mind pestered her. 

 

_ He is in CRITICAL condition, Y/N. And guess why? Because a bullet was shot through him. And can you guess who did that? YOU. He might not make it because of you. _

 

Snapping out of her thoughts, she asked the doctor if she could see him. She agreed, but only for an hour and a half. Steve gave her a wan smile as a sign of gratitude. Y/N could see the fatigue in his eyes and affirmed him that he could go back to the tower to get some sleep. 

 

He protested at first, but she eventually got him to break.

 

Carefully treading in the hospital room, her initial view of Bucky was heart-wrenching. He had a breathing tube down his throat and was surrounded by all of these machines and IVs. Y/N stumbled over to his bed side and sat down in the chair next to him, holding his hand. 

 

It took Y/N almost an hour before she gained the courage to finally speak.

 

‘Bucky, I’m so sorry I did this to you. I should’ve looked out for myself. That’s what you always told me, right?’ Y/N admitted with a sad sigh as silent tears streamed down her face. ‘I guess you were right. I don’t know if you can hear me Bucky, but if you don’t want to see me again, I would understand. Just know that  _ I love you. Always have and always will _ .’ Y/N stood up from the chair and planted a soft kiss on his temple.

 

Y/N kept wondering if he could hear her, but little did she know that as soon as she left the room, his heartbeat sped up just a little more.


	3. Not Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After three days, Bucky finally wakes up from his surgery.   
> He remembers what Y/N told him, but he isn't quite sure it was real.

Bucky awoke with a jolt, not remembering much.  _ Where am I? What’s this thing in my mouth? _ He tried to pull the breathing tube out, but soon started to gag when he got to the quarter point. A nurse who happened to walk by saw what was happening and helped him.

 

Clearing his throat, he raspily tried to use his voice. ‘Wh-’ he stopped to clear his throat. ‘What happened? Where am I?’

 

‘Sir, you’ve had an accident. You were shot in your abdominal area and we had to perform surgery. You’ve been out for three days.’ That he did remember. The only thing he didn’t was the person who was talking to him. Something about-  _ love? _ He hoped it was Y/N. Like  _really_ hoped.

 

But that also meant that they probably weren’t on speaking terms since he was pretty sure he heard a ‘if you don’t want to see me again’. Bucky sighed. ‘Hey, miss? Could you please call Natasha or Stevie over here? They’re part of my team.’

 

‘Of course, Mr. Barnes.’

 

‘Oh. And could you also have Y/N come over? I want to see her.’

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

 

Back at the tower, Y/N hadn’t talked to anyone; except for Nat. She was the only exception. Y/N didn’t know why, but she always felt the most at ease with her. Even so, she refused to eat and only stayed in her room. 

 

‘Y/N. You have to eat something.’ Natasha pleaded. Y/N wouldn’t budge. Well, at least she was keeping up with her hygiene. That was a start. 

 

It was worrisome for the whole team. No one blamed her for what had happened, but yet for some reason she still felt like they did.

 

To lighten the mood in the room, Tony jokingly commented with a smile: ‘Hey! She hasn’t come out of her room in a while. Do you think she’s dead or something?’ The next thing to come out of his mouth was a groan of pain because Wanda hit him with a jolt to the stomach.

 

‘Good job.’ Natasha whispered as she gave her a first bump. All of a sudden, Nat’s phone rang. She went to the corner of the room to pick up. No one thought much of it, so they went back to their chatter.

 

‘Hey guys. We need to go. Bucky’s awake. Sam, don’t fight with Bucky, please. Wanda, you go get Y/N. Tony, don’t say anything. Everyone get your stuff. We’re gonna be late. Steve. You’ll take us to the hospital. Wanda and Y/N’ll meet us there.’ Natasha ordered.

 

As Wanda walked towards your door, Nat stopped her. ‘Be careful, okay? I don’t know how she’s gonna react to this. Of course Natasha knew about the crush you two had on each other. She knew everything.

 

As Y/N sat on the floor with her head resting against the foot of her bed, she heard a knock on the door.

 

‘Not now, Nat. I’m not up for anything.’ she closed her eyes.

 

‘Actually, it’s Wanda.’

 

‘Oh. Sorry. Yeah. Come in. Whad’dya need?

 

As soon as she entered your room she broke the news to Y/N. ‘It’s Bucky. He woke up.’

 

That stopped her heart dead. Letting out a shaky breath, she put her head in her arms. Then she felt Wanda’s arms wrap around you. ‘He’s okay?’ Y/N whispered.

 

‘Yeah. Yeah. He’s okay.’

 

Y/N let out a watery chuckle. But then she stopped. ‘I can’t go. He probably doesn’t want me over there.’

 

‘That’s not true, Y/N,’ she soothed. ‘It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know that he was aiming for you-’

 

‘That’s the thing! I should’ve known!’ Y/N pointed out. ‘I should’ve dodged or something! It  _ is _ all my fault!’ she stood up in front of Wanda and pointed at herself.

 

‘That does not mean that it’s your fault, Y/N! You have to see that. You can’t control the past or the future, okay?’ she insisted. ‘It just doesn’t work that way, honey. Plus, Bucky asked for you.’

 

Y/N still blames herself, but when she heard that Buck was waiting for her, she couldn’t let him down. 

 

Not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! ♡   
> All kudos are greatly appreciated!


	4. I Heard It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky talks to Y/N.

As Y/N walked down the hallway to the lobby where the rest of the team was waiting, she took in an uneven breath. Okay, Y/N. Don’t be selfish. Do this for Bucky. The team looked at Y/N and then Natasha led her into Bucky’s room.

‘He might be sleeping, so you might have to wait a bit.’

‘I’ll wait, yeah.’

She walked in to his room, and Natasha was right: he was sleeping. Quietly chuckling to herself, Y/N gingerly sat down next to him and stroked his hair. That caused him to stir in his sleep and smile. It warmed Y/N’s heart so fucking much.

It had been more than three hours and the rest of the team had decided to go back to the tower and let Bucky rest, but Y/N decided to stay.

‘Hey stranger.’ whispered Bucky. Seems like he finally woke up.

‘Oh my God. Bucky. You’re awake.’ tears sprung in the corners of Y/N’s eyes. Then a pang of guilt hit her. ‘Fuck. Bucky, I’m so sorry I did this to you.’

Bucky lent in to wipe her tears. ‘Darling, it’s okay. Don’t cry. It wasn’t your fault at all.’

‘But it was, Bucky. You were shot all because I couldn’t look out for myself…’ she trailed on.

‘Hey. Hey. None of that. Look at me.’ he led her chin with a soft grip. ‘You were worth taking that bullet for.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, really.’

Y/N slid onto the hospital bed and laid down with him for a while, their faces inches apart from each other’s. ‘Plus,’ he whispered. ‘I heard what you said to me. I was awake.’

Y/N’s face paled. Crap. He heard all of that? ‘Oh, yeah. That? That was-’

‘I love you too, doll’ Then he brought his hand up to her cheek and connected their lips with a chaste kiss. ‘I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.’

‘Me too.’ Y/N giggled.

\---------------------------------------------------------

One week later, Bucky was discharged from the hospital. Back at the tower, Y/N sat down with Bucky on the couch to discuss a few things.

‘Buck. Just promise me one thing.’

‘And what’s that, sunshine?’

‘Never, EVER take another bullet for me.’ 

That made Bucky frown. But before he could speak, Y/N interrupted softly. ‘I just don’t want to see you hurt like this ever again.’

‘Oh baby, I’ll be fine. Remember, I’m the best super-soldier in the whole wide world, right?’ Bucky joked. ‘That means I’m practically invincible!’ 

‘Even better than Steve, Buck. Even better than him.’ Y/N commented as she snuggled closer to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! Hope you liked it! ♡

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! ♡


End file.
